GPS in the divorce mediation jargon is actually a term for “General Perceived Standards,” not “Global Positioning System.” That is, rather than being an electronic device that guides you through traffic (and all too often to dead ends), it is a set of preconceived notions that people have about how divorce is supposed to happen. While they apply to divorce litigation well enough, they can bring mediation to a screeching halt.

How General Perceived Standards Disrupt Civil Mediation

When people decide to divorce, it is at best over “irreconcilable differences.” At worst, there could be abuse, threats and accusations. In short, by the time the word “divorce” is said, most people are not in an agreeable mindset. As a result, they prepare to fight it out in court. They hire lawyers, they gather evidence, they frame arguments. They approach divorce as a “winners take all” epic battle, and they do not intend to lose.

In fact, they may actually intend to make the other suffer in the process. Old issues may surface and fuel further hostility. The problem is that litigation is lengthy, expensive and especially if joint custody is in the future, it can further damage otherwise salvageable civility. This is completely contrary to the processes and goals of mediation.

Throwing Out the GPS on the Path to Mediation Services

First of all, there needs to be an understanding of what divorce mediation is and what it means. The point of mediation is to reach a mutually agreeable solution quickly, inexpensively and quietly. Confrontation and blame are the exact opposite. Another element of mediation is that each party should consider their roles and motives in the issues. 

Seeing things from the other's perspective can facilitate a mutual agreement. Mediation guides the parties through this process, and the sooner both sides see their issues from an outside perspective instead of being blinded by pain and anger, the sooner both sides can walk away with their fair share.